Thursday, August 18, 2011

Fred Meets My Brother-In-Law

Time to rip my in-laws a new one again. I just found out earlier today that my wife's brother Doug had de-friended us on Facebook. I wonder why? Perhaps it was because I'd found out about the shitty way he treated his sister when she told him that she had kidney disease during her family campout last month, and that I'd flamed him, his brothers, and even his mother for their refusal to accept Joy's illness as real. He even went so far as to tell Joy that he couldn't believe her because he thought that the tests had been done by a naturopathic doctor.


Doug isn't an evil man, just one that's about as sharp as a bowling ball. Blood tests of that type aren't done by your average family practitioner. In fact, I don't think I've ever had my blood tested for anything by a doctor him or herself. But having been with Joy now for nearly eighteen years, I know the drill well enough. The doctor, whether or not they're medical or naturopathic, orders the blood tests to be done by another clinic. We go to said clinic, and a phlebotomist gets a blood sample from Joy or myself, and said sample is analyzed seven ways from Sunday to get results for whatever illnesses and/or conditions can be determined from a blood sample. Once the analysis is complete, the results are sent to the doctor, who then informs the patient and determines a course of action for whatever ailment is in play. What was Doug thinking - a naturopath would take a sample, then what? Drop some herbs in the sample and see what happens next?

We've all reached an age where we know how the process goes, but his ignorance of medical procedure, not to mention his sister's health, is unforgivable in my book. Joy and I have long suspected him of being the source of the misinformation that has poisoned my wife's immediate family against her, and this recent course of events pretty much confirms it. I wonder what his beef is with Joy, what he knows, thinks he knows, what he's hiding...... who cares any more.

So, it is with great pride that I announce the latest winner of The Fred Phelps Award for Dumbest Humanoid On The Planet - my brother-in-law, Doug Walker. But to be totally honest with you, I'm basically ready to wash my hands of Joy's entire family, and so is Joy. Their treatment of her these past few weeks has been so shitty, I'm glad that I wasn't there to see it. I'm glad that I wasn't there, either - had I been, I'd probably be in jail for multiple counts of aggravated first-degree murder. Maybe this is why when I'm around, he doesn't get in our faces. But then again, I don't think he's ever liked me either. After all, he didn't bother to show up at our wedding. All Joy's other siblings showed up, as did several of their kids - including the nephew who'd just been in a horrible car-wreck and arrived in a fucking halo - he broke his fucking neck and he showed up, why not you, Doug?

Oh well. Enjoy the award, Doug. It's the last thing you'll ever get from us - unless you'd like to receive my fists to your face - over and over again. May whatever deity you believe in have mercy on your soul, asshole.

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